Sooo you've realized one of your high school friend might be a prospect. Or that one of your co-workers has given you more butterflies than you thought he would. Or even that one of your friend you met in college is making your heart melt. What do you do?
Think about it
First things first, before you jump to the next step, you need to make sure that that's what you want. How long have you been feeling this way? A day? Maybe that's just a fling. A week? Getting there. A month? Seems serious. More than a few months? This is probably sincere.
You want to make sure of your own feelings. When you really have feelings for someone, you think about them often, you want to spend time with them, you listen to music that makes you think of them, you want to talk to them. That person becomes special for you. And you want to tell them.
Also, think about what initiated that doubt. Did they tell you something such as they thought about you, that you're important to them, or did they started acting very friendly/sweet with you? Or is it just because you want to have a relationship and they would seem like a great person to be with? Because if you want the guy, you have to not expect a relationship out of it. You have to think about their own good, and yours. They make you happy, and you can make him happy. Is it going that way? Do you wish only his happiness? If you do, this seems sincere.
Admit your love to yourself
After you're sure of your own feelings, admit how intense it is. Is it love or just "very likeable" feelings? You'll say "But I don't want to say the L word to myself because I'm scared", or because love is a big word. Girl, love is everywhere, it's the feeling you share for your friends, for your teammates, for your family, the difference is only the intensity. When you're "in love" with someone, you just love them intensely, and romantically.
So admit it, admit you're in love with him. "Okay, I love him. I think about him all the time, I want his own good, I love his traits, I love X about him, etc." This is what you need to think. Admit to yourself that he's the one you're thinking of. Admit that you're scared of it, it's normal to be scared of your own feelings! Once you admit you're scared of it, you'll be less scared of it. You'll be hopeful. Have faith!
Keep contact with him
Don't ignore him. This is important. Guys are not really good in the department of love, and they can be confused by the signs you give him. This is where it is important to be sincere and truthful. Don't give him mixed signals. If he says "I thought about you today when I heard a song of X", don't say "Awww you're so cute", tell him "I thought about you too today" - so much straightforward and true. You can say the aww you're cute thing, but make sure you tell him you appreciate that he thought about you cause you think about him too. He can't figure this out on his own.
Also, you're a woman. Trust me, you can probably have any guy you want with the good effort. But you want to concentrate your energy on the ones that are important. So right now, there is this guy, so you give your energy to this guy. Chances are, he already has feelings for you, but he's not working on them because he doesn't think that it's going somewhere. Once you show him that it could go somewhere, you have him. But take it easy and take it slow. Make him realize he likes you.
So how do we keep contact? Try to meet when you can, tell him you'd like to grab coffee. If he lives far from you, tell him you'd like to see him next time he's in town, or ask him if he'd like you to go see him. Text him (but not constantly! Give him a break, and let him text you too - keep the chemistry there.)
You don't want to give yourself all away, but you want to make sure that he knows you want him in his life. You don't need to say that straight away, but at first you need to give him positive signals. He'll love knowing that you want to talk to him, that you thought of him or that you're thinking of him, that you'd like to see him.
After continuous contact, it's time to do the big move
Yes, the big move. The L word. And I mean long contact, it's clear that you guys have been talking "romantically" for a while and that you could say that he's into you.
Guys are scared of the L word, so are we. We want the guy to say it first, because that's how it "should be". Well screw society standards, if you think it's time, why not? After a while, relationships can go in an ambiguous state where you're not sure where you stand, and that will make your system go wild. By system, I'm meaning your head and your heart. Your head will say "This is not going anywhere, and I don't want to hurt myself." and your heart will say "I LOVE HIM". After a while, this feeling will kill you. It's time you tell him the truth, the entire truth.
Sometimes, he'll even bring it up first before you! You're lucky! But there is so much pressure put on this word that people will avoid it. But that's where you will be different, courageous, and beautiful. Have confidence.
Before doing the confession, first you need to set yourself in a mind state: are you ready for a "no" answer? Are you in an "all or nothing" attitude? Do you have expectations? Don't expect anything, you're doing this for you, you, and only you. This is where it makes the difference, when you know that this could kill you, it won't. When you know that you're strong enough to make a confession of that type, you gain confidence.
The confession point
Now, there is no going back. Once you made up your mind about telling him, you'll always feel something is missing if you don't. So let's go. Bring him for a walk, or before he drops you home, tell him you have something to say. Don't text him "I have something to tell you, let's meet", or he'll expect something. Don't put more pressure on it that there is now, just do it when you two are together in a place where you know you can leave anytime.
When you're there, you want to tell him everything. I do mean everything, tell him how those feelings started, how you realized you loved him, why you love him. And tell him that you don't expect him to say it back, that you respect his decision, that you only want him to be happy with his own life and that if he's happier not loving you, you respect it. But that he touched your heart like few others did and that he has a place in your heart. You can end by saying "So to conclude, (name), I love you." But don't stand there expecting an answer, cause you're not expecting one back right? So just say like "Well I'm gonna go now..." If he wants to say it back, trust me he will. If he doesn't do anything, well you know where you stand. But hell, you got this off your chest! It's done! You're free. Time to move on, or time to enjoy your new formerly made relationship (or reciprocal love).
Being sincere is so much more powerful than anything. You will feel much less weight in your heart, and your mind will be clear: "Well I did what I could, and if he didn't like me all the time we were together, so whatever, let's move on" - or "Well I did what I could, and I'm proud of myself. And he loves me back! Yay!"
Whatever happens, you are stronger than most of the population. Few fellows can do this type of thing, but you did! You're amazing. Don't forget it. The guy has so much more respect for you. If he doesn't, and laughs at you, he's a jerk, that's all. You're still a beautiful human being. But no man would laugh at a woman saying something like that to him, a man would gain a lot of respect for a woman that sincere.
Conclusion
So to go from "friends" to "more than friends", if you want it, go and get it. You're a woman for Christ sake, you can do anything. I know you can do it.
Never forget that the fact you can feel love, and share love is a gift of God. Don't be afraid to share those feelings! They are there to be shared. Happiness is only real when shared.
"Say what you want to say, because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss
On an ending note, thanks for reading me! I hope you enjoyed! I wish you only the best! May your days b be filled with laughter and love!
Karine
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